The Broken Musician
by jazz91121
Summary: Lilly Heart is the name! I'm the narrator for this sad tale! Think you're up to reading about Allen Walker and his life as a Musician? If so go ahead! I get to take this trip with you, if you decide to read! This is a tale about a little too much pain, a little too much darkness and a whole lot of love, but not in the way you would think. Lilly Heart
1. The Broken Life

**Hey guys! Here's my new story! I think it will be good? Don't know! Review and enjoy!**

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I sat at the piano, thinking of something to write or something to play. I was at home, in a room that wasn't really used anymore. I had put a piano in it, a bed and some other things.

I was someone who used music to escape my pain. It was something I had learned to do. It was how I survived the life i had been given.

I sighed. Why did I always mess up in life? Nothing ever went right for me and I hated it. It was making me feel like I was falling into a hole I couldn't escape.

I couldn't understand myself right now, or how others were feeling. I placed my hands on the old worn piano, feeling the keys under my hands.

My hands trembled as I started to play, my hands naturally sliding across the keys. No one was home, as was usual because they always left me here.

My little sister had gone out to play with her friends in town, my mom was at work and my dad? He was with his girl friend even though he was still married to my mom.

No one talked about it. But I knew the truth and I was hurting because of it. So I would lose myself in the music, the way it felt to play the piano.

I sighed and pulled my hands away from the piano, thinking about what had happened today. My friend Miranda, had told me about her crush on the jerk of the school, Yuu Kanda.

I had tried to warn her that he would never like her, but she wouldn't listen. She got mad at me and stormed off, saying that she would always love him.

I had been right and he had rejected her. She acted like nothing was wrong, but I could tell she was broken and hurting. I couldn't help her anymore, because I was afraid of hurting her more.

I looked down at my hands and then towards the piano. I decided today that maybe I can't help everyone. Maybe I should just stop. Its not like I was really helping.

Then again, a part of me wanted to fight back and stand up for others, to be different from my mother. My mother, the one who judged everyone by one action they did.

That was something I wanted to avoid, and I had fought hard to be different from her. She was someone who I loved, yet didn't. I wanted to run away, once upon a time.

This was something that happened often with me. I decided that I would stop that, a while ago, but it still happens once in a while.

I was the one that no one loved and that was why I was afraid when I started to let some one in. It was the first time I had let that happen. I had built a wall so tall and thick that I thought no one could cross it.

Then I started playing the piano again, adding my voice in at the right part. I had always done this. I had always run away from the things that went wrong in my life. Maybe today I would stop.

**Hello (By: Evanescence)**

Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
Hello

If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello, I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday

I finished the song with a sigh. I know, I always sigh and it can't help me at all, sitting alone in this room. My name? Allen Walker. I'm 16 years old now, and yet I do nothing.

Let me show you where it all began. Why don't we start at the beginning where everything was good. This is my story and you could say its quite out of the ordinary…

_**In the ****beginning, there was love. Or so the two people thought. They thought they were in love, a good thing if used the right way, but something that was like a double edged sword.**_

_**You could use it for good, or you could use it for evil. Somethings are meant for one thing, but often end up being double sided, two faced.**_

_**Love isn**_**_'t something that people can just throw away. Love is something magical, something powerful. What is the opposite of love?_**

**_Is it really hate? Is that what everyone thinks? That is what they all say, but really I don't think hate is the opposite. Not at all. Maybe its something else._**

**_You need to know anger, before you can have peace. You need to know sadness before you can have true happiness. You need to know how to hate, before you can love._**

**_Maybe I am wrong to think that. Maybe it is the opposite of love then. We may never know unless we try to use the brain we have, the intelligence we hide from others._**

_**It wasn't something they had planned to happen, but they had a son, and soon he was born. They named him Allen Walker and then they had a daughter, two years later.**_

_**They fell in love with her and forgot about Allen, ignoring him and leaving him alone. Always alone. They named the girl Alice Walker, and they cared for her.**_

_**Alice never fought back against their wishes, so they were more favorable toward her. Allen on the other hand, always fought back against them.**_

_**Maybe it was something that he was born with or maybe he thought it was fun. Either way, he always fought them. Of Course he never won the wars he waged.**_

_**There was something that made him realize he could never win and it started eating him alive, from the inside out. Soon he had a fake **_**_smile and a fake life._**

**_Where had he gone? The real Allen Walker was lost inside himself and only one person could help him. By the way I'm the narrator of this sad tale. My name? Lilly Heart. _**

**_Then shall we begin? I sincerely hope you enjoy this sad but true story. I hope that you can figure out if hate is the opposite of love. Of course, there is no wrong answer…._**

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**Hey guys! I hope you liked this chapter! What do you think?! Review please!**


	2. The Broken Piece

**Hey peoples! So far I think I like how this story is going! Hope you guys like it! REVIEW! PLEASE!**

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So today I was going to go to a new school, and I hoped it was better than the one I had been at. It was called Cross Academy and it wasn't too much money. At least that's what my mom had told me.

Maybe she was just trying to het rid of me and decided that making me go to a boarding school hours away would be the best choice of action. I had never been that social, so it made it easier on me.

I could avoid people by just going back to my room. It was a boarding school and I was glad that I was here. I was away from my family and it was better this way.

I looked up at the impossibly large building and walked into the boys dorm, to my new room. My roommate? Let's guess shall we? Yuu Kanda.

He was one of the most popular in the school but he was always closed off from other people. I hadn't ever really talked with him, only because I had only been here a few times to look at the school and the people there.

He was like me, the one running and hiding away I guess. He had things that he was hiding, just like me. I had never realized that he and I were so alike.

I had to wonder what he was running from. He had long, midnight colored hair that looked soft to the touch. His eyes were a deep dark blue that had girls swooning. The school we went to had a sword program that he was in.

He had a sword that never left his side. I decided that I wanted to look around the school, but somehow I had gotten lost. I walked down another hallway and saw a door.

I walked toward it and opened it a little. In the middle of the room was a huge grand piano. I know. I'm obsessed right? I just loved playing piano because it helped me escape.

"Hello?" I called out into the room softly. "Is anyone here?" I waited for a moment before going towards the piano. I walked over to it and sat down, my hands set on the keys, ready to play a song.

I couldn't help but want to try the piano. I pressed a key and heard that it was slightly off tune. I slid my fingers across the keys, listening. It wasn't that bad I guess.

I cracked my fingers and looked around. Oh well. The room looked a little older than all the other rooms and it was a little hard to find. "I hope no one comes down here. They may hear me playing." I said to myself softly.

It couldn't hurt to play a little song. Hmm but what song should I play. I thought for a moment, resting my hands on my chin. "Oh! I got it!" I said quietly again. Then I began to play.

**Diary of Jane by: Breaking Benjamin (Thanks Crowsnight!)**

If I had to I would put myself right beside you  
So let me ask, would you like that? Would you like that?  
And I don't mind if you say this love is the last time  
So now I'll ask, do you like that? Do you like that? No!

Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place  
In the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be!

Try to find out what makes you tick as I lie down  
Sore and sick, do you like that? Do you like that?  
There's a fine line between love and hate and I don't mind  
Just let me say that I like that, I like that

Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place  
In the diary of Jane

As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place  
In the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be!

Desperate, I will crawl, waiting for so long  
No love, there is no love  
Die for anyone, what have I become?

Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place  
In the diary of Jane

As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place  
In the diary of Jane

I let my voice and the piano sounds echo in the huge room, listening and closing my eyes. "That was amazing!" I heard a cheerful voice call out.

I jumped and fell off the piano bench, knocking over some papers that had been sitting on the piano's glossy surface. "Oi are you okay?" A red headed boy said, coming closer.

"Oh um yeah you just startled me is all." I said, getting to my feet. "Sorry sprout. My name's Lavi Bookman. You must be the newbie that transferred here, Allen Walker right?"

"Oh um yeah. I'm Allen. I kinda got lost." I said, scratching the back of my head awkwardly. "Oh it's fine. I can help you find the principals office if you'd like."

I nodded and smiled slightly at him. I noticed that he was wearing an eyepatch and he had one bright emerald eye. He seemed to be the exact opposite of Kanda.

We walked down the hallways, back the way I had come and I started to see other students, popping up every where. "Lavi! Hey wait up!" I saw a girl with greenish hair yelling.

"Hey Lenalee! How was your summer? This here is Allen, the new student!" I gave her a smile and a small wave. "Hey there Allen! So glad you're here!" She said smiling.

"I saw Kanda earlier! We should all go out for lunch! Would you like to come Allen?" Lavi asked me putting his hands behind his head. I thought for a second before replying cheerfully, "Sure!"

I had to act happy again right? After all who would know if I was lying when I said I was fine. Not these people. So I pushed aside the anger and sadness that haunted me constantly.

I was running away again, from everything. I guess this wouldn't be so bad….

**Kanda****'s Point of View**

I sighed in irritation and slammed my fist into the wall. I had asked Komui specifically if I could have no room mate but he had screwed up again and now I was stuck with the new kid, Allen Walker.

I was walking the hallways to the abandoned wing of the school when I heard piano playing. I stopped short when I heard what song it was.

The voice singing it had a rich, beautiful tone to it and I had to stop and listen. Right before the song ended I heard footsteps coming down the hallway and I quickly hid behind an old door.

Walking away quickly, I sighed again. "I wish I knew who had been playing piano and singing that song…" I thought to myself as I walked away.

The voice sounded so sad, singing that song and the piano playing was so passionate that I may have found someone who felt like me.

Maybe sometime I would find them soon. Then I shook my head at my crazy thoughts. "That's so dumb." I thought to myself, walking to the office.

I had to run away from my real feelings because they didn't matter. Nothing mattered in my life anyways… Not yet, and not ever.

**The love started that day, without either of them knowing it.**

**No one really knows how love starts. **

**It****'s a strange thing and sometimes it hurts. **

**He had never felt real love, even though all of his friends said they loved him. **

**It wasn't like he didn't love them back but, he never felt anything when they told him they loved him.**

**He had never felt any real love and so he gave up.**

**He decided that he didn't need the pain love brought, so he stopped.**

**He stopped accepting love, loving others, everything.**

**It hurt too much for him to bother with it. **

**And that was it. He became a shell of himself. **

**He was empty and gone, until the day he met someone just like him. **

**Could they really help each other heal?**

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_Hey guys! I__'m super sorry! I have no internet at my school and I have been super busy! Please review! Tell me what you think and what songs you think Allen should sing! Review!_


	3. The Broken Students

**Hey guys! Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews! Enjoy!**

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I looked around the town, trying to memorize the way we had gotten here so I could figure it out on my own if we got lost.

After we had talked to Lenalee's brother, they had told me to meet them at the front of the school. They had mentioned that Kanda would be coming as well but I wasn't sure.

I glanced at Kanda. He hadn't said anything ever since we had met up at the front of the school. He had been dragged by Lavi to the front, an angry scowl on his face.

"Are you guys hungry?" Lenalee asked, turning back around to look at us. My stomach growled and she smiled and I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.

"Um just a tad." I said smiling. "I don't care where we go as long as it has soba." Kanda grumbled from next to me. So we all decided it was best to get Chinese food.

"I'll be right back. I'll pay for my own meal because…. well just let me pay for me." I smiled at them and then walked away, ordering my food.

When I got back, I noticed that Lenalee and Lavi had moved over so that I had to sit next to Kanda. I sat down silently, looking at the way Lavi and Lenalee talked joyfully to each other. I felt a pang of something dark. What was is again?

Ah yes, my friend depression was knocking at my door. I pushed the dark thoughts away and smiled as they asked me how I was doing. "I'm doing great! I finally got everything into my room. All I have to do is unpack and stuff." I said noticing that Lenalee looked at my hair a little too long.

I knew what she was wondering, and so, with a burst of courage, I said "It's natural." Her face flushed a dark shade of red and I smiled sweetly at her. Lavi, sensing the tension, wisely changed the subject.

"Yuu-chan! You haven't said anything all this time! Talk with us!" Kanda glared at him, saying, "Why should I waste my breathe on an idiot like you?" I glanced at him incredulously. I wished I could say something like that.

Lavi pouted at him front across the table and I laughed. "What's so funny Moyashi?" I realized Kanda was talking to me and I glared at him. "Moyashi? What the heck does that mean?!" I said, slightly annoyed that I didn't understand what it meant.

"A Baka like you wouldn't understand." He said, smirking at me. This man was making me mad, fast and that was a hard feat with me. My eyebrow twitched and I retorted with, "You know, I think stupidity is your second language."

He glared at me. "Good one Baka. How long did that take you to come up with? Your whole life?" I laughed bitterly. "You know now I know why they call you bitch. You act like a dog and you're probably mistaken for a girl with that long hair and girly face of your."

I smirked at him and then there was a sword at my throat. "Hey uh Kanda let the new student live. He hasn't had the long gift of life yet." Lavi said nervously. The funny thing was, I didn't care.

I met his dark cobalt eyes and they widened slightly. I knew what he saw. Dead, dark grey eyes with no will to live. Then I said two words that made him pull the sword away. "Do it." I mouthed so that Lavi and Lenalee couldn't see.

"I'll be right back you guys. I have to go to the bathroom." I said smiling at them. They smiled back at me uncertainly, not sure if I was okay. I wasn't. The thoughts I had fought all day were back and screaming in my head.

I walked to the bathroom, locking the stall door and sliding down on to the floor. The doors were long enough that they covered my shaking body from view. I pulled my knees to my chest and curled up on the floor, tears streaming down my face.

I could feel the makeup sliding off of my face, previous bruises being uncovered. I knew I was ugly and a freak. I was so used to the stares people tried to hide that I could easily pick them out now.

I heard the bathroom door open and I saw black combat boots. _Kanda..._ I thought to myself, wiping the tears off my face. "Oi Moyashi? Where are you? I know you're in here! Come out!"

I sighed quietly, hoping he wouldn't hear. "Baka I'm going to the bathroom. You really want me to come out now?" My voice, although a bit shaky, was strong as steel. "No Baka. I'll wait for you then."

I froze. I couldn't come out of the stall without him seeing the bruise on my face, so I quickly came up with an excuse. "Just wait outside for me or something. I'll be there in a bit." I winced, hoping that it sounded alright.

I guess he bought it, because I heard him sigh and then the door slammed shut. I quickly walked out of the stall, pulling out my foundation and smearing it on the bruise. I made sure that it looked natural before exiting the bathroom.

I saw them waiting for me outside, and I smiled at them. "So where to next?" I asked cheerfully. Lavi smiled and then said, "Well we decided to show you around right? Where do you want to go?"

I thought for a second before thinking about my empty room at the school. "How about a music store?" Lavi's smile widened and he nodded, only us two sharing a secret. He knew that I wanted to look around for a piano, or maybe something else.

Then I remembered that I was sharing a room with Kanda, so I couldn't have a piano. Damn. Then another idea filtered into my brain. The abandoned wing with the piano! The room needed some sprucing up and maybe I could ask to use it and redecorate it!

"Actually on second thought, maybe we could go to a paint store huh?" I asked sweetly. Lavi gave me a questioning look before nodding. Kanda, who hadn't said anything, AGAIN, glared and crossed his arms over his chest.

_Cute..._ I thought and then quickly pushed that thought away. No way in hell, even if I was looking for love, would I ever fall for this bastard. He was a cold hearted jerk and he would probably make fun of my piano playing...

In my head, I started to sing the sing "If Everyone cared" and then I stared to hum it softly, hoping that no one else could hear my humming. It was a good song and I loved t, like a lot of songs. It was my drug.

**If Everyone Cared -By Nickelback**

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky  
Confusing stars for satellites  
I never dreamed that you'd be mine  
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive  
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

_[Chorus:]_  
If everyone cared and nobody cried  
If everyone loved and nobody lied  
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride  
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive  
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies  
Our only light in paradise  
We'll show the world they were wrong  
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive  
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive  
(I'm alive)

_[Chorus x2]_

And as we lie beneath the stars  
We realize how small we are  
If they could love like you and me  
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried  
If everyone loved and nobody lied  
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride  
Then we'd see the day when nobody died  
When nobody died...

_[Chorus]_

We'd see the day, we'd see the day  
When nobody died  
We'd see the day, we'd see the day  
When nobody died  
We'd see the day when nobody died

**The mysteries of life still go unanswered though everything does have an answer, according to humans. What if ****someone played a song in a room, alone, thinking they hadn't been heard. **

**What if someone happened to be walking past and stopped to listen. No they hadn't seen each other, one didn't know that someone had heard. Yet how is it that they fell in love?**

**What kind of love would it be, for someone who never loved and for someone who stopped loving, had never tried to love. Empty words fell on deaf ears. That's how it had always been.**

**The answers to life's questions are hard to find, at times we fall short searching for something. What's the answer to a love that lasts longer than time itself? Only time can tell. The boy who sits all alone in a room full of people.**

**No one could help him from the darkness he was in. That's what he thought. Then someone heard his song. His broken, angry, messed up song. One that had played for years, but fell on deaf ears.**

**Lost in a shroud of darkness, searching for a source of light. Nothing more than a lonely boy in a lonely room. He plays a song full of pain, sorrow, and anger. The tune is haunting yet beautiful.**

**Dark notes fill the page he writes on, causing a bitter melody with each passing day. The song was not very loud, not really noticeable, so no one really asked him if anything was wrong.**

**Nothing was wrong, he lied to himself everyday, hoping that one day, it would be true. He hated the song he sung, yet he loved it, because after all, it was his own. No one knew the real him, because he was afraid no own would like him.**

**All he could see in the mirror was all his failures, all his mistakes. How could he be handsome, if he mad so many mad? How could he be loved, when it was hard for him to love others?**

**This wasn't what she had planned. Not at all. Sometimes life takes a turn for the worst. Allen was rejected, pushed away by the cold world, and he could do nothing about it. Kanda was the same.**

**Both of them were similar, yet different in their own ways. Of course me, being the teller of this story, has to have some say in this. I honestly think they should freaking GET TOGETHER! and then make out.**

**Hard core. Like seriously. Okay sorry but this is just sad. I mean seriously, they love each other! Okay so they just met and everything and they barely know each other but I honestly just want to push them in a closet together and then say "Now kiss."**

**So this is the other me. The less poetic, deep mode person with a crazy fangirl side. I'm all for this relationship, if it ever happens that is. We all have another side, another story.**

**What's your other side like? Are you crazy and fun? Calm and collected? Quiet and cool? Review! This is Lily by the way :P Not The author. Anyways Think about it! Answer! And if you do, let me know by saying "To Lily." Thanks.**

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_**Hey guys! The author here! Sorry bout not updating as fast but school is hectic. Forgive me? Review! To Lily and I of course! Come up with any ideas then let me know! And go!**_


	4. The Broken Artist?

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy this unusual chapter :)**

**PAGE BREAK OH WHERE HAVE YOU GONEEEEEEEEE...?**

**Allen's Point of Veiw**

I sighed again. We were still walking to the paint store. Who's idea was this again? Oh right. Mine... The car, Lavi said, was being fixed by someone because it had a problem. Lavi had taken it there and dropped it off to be fixed, sadly, not quickly.

"So where exactly is the paint shop?" I asked, slightly annoyed with myself for not thinking to ask how for away it was. "Oh it's right up ahead. This is good for our legs any ways." Lenalee said cheerfully.

I finally spotted the sign to the store and silently cheered. We were here! Yes! Entering the store, I paused for a moment. I needed colors for the abandoned room.

I turned to Lavi. "Hey Lavi! What color should I paint the room that I was in earlier?" Lenalee and Kanda had wondered off somewhere, so I knew that I was safe. I wanted to keep this from as many people as possible.

He thought for a moment before saying loudly, "How about red and orange?! Then it could look like the room was on fire!" I shook my head, laughing softly at him. "No I don't think so. Hmm maybe a black or white. Oh I got it!"

I had the perfect idea. I could paint the wall like a giant piano. I could picture the music notes flowing across the wall, with the piano at the bottom. I thought for a moment longer.

Hmm maybe some color. By now I was carrying a can of white paint that was partially open, and while I was distracted, I bumped into someone. I watched in horror as the white paint split all over none other than Kanda.

"I'm so... S-sorry..." I said laughing loudly at the sight. Kanda, who was spluttering and coughing, was covered from head to toe in white paint. Okay so I may have poured it on him after I first hit him, but so what.

"I-I think white is definitely your color." I said, going into another fit of laughter. He growled at me, but it came out gurgled due to the fact that he was still dripping white paint. He grabbed a random can off the shelf and poured it on me.

I gaped at him trying to get the paint out of my eyes. It was BRIGHT pink. Damn him. I grabbed another can, quickly throwing the paint on him. Lavi and Lenalee had come to stand by us at this point, and they accidentally got splashed.

Lavi started laughing and Lenalee squealed loudly. By the time we had finished, we had gotten kicked out of the store. For about, like, forever. All of us were now walking _rainbows._ Great how was I supposed to get white and black paint now?

"So uh Lavi? Do you think there is maybe another paint store?" He laughed at my expression. "Yes don't worry. What colors did you want?" I smiled. "Black and white please!" He nodded and then looked over at Lenalee.

She was covered in every color possible, and I laughed at the face she was making. Then I looked over at Kanda. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest and his sword on the ground next to him.

His long hair was hanging free and his cold eyes had a small spark of warmth in them. My eyes widened. He looked... happy? I realized that this was the first time I had been actually a little bit happy. I smiled a bit, the feeling in my stomach strange.

"Oi Moyashi why the hell are you smiling?!" Kanda said growling at me. I laughed slightly. "You look ridiculous with all that paint covering you and I'm laughing about it." I said boldly to him smirking.

"What the hell?! Well I think you look horrible." He said sneering at me. I glared at him. Who did he think he was?! "Um guys I think we should start heading back because it looks like it's about to rain." Lavi said glancing at the sky.

I froze for a second. I hated the rain. No offense to the people that actually like it but it reminded me of...well...me. Kanda must have seen me freeze because he smirked at me. "You don't like the rain? Ha sucks for you." He sneered at me.

Cold hearted bastard... I thought to myself. I sighed. I hate the rain so much. This just had to come and ruin my day didn't it. I sighed, turning and walking forward, hoping that I could escape the rain faster.**_  
_**

**Why does Allen dislike the rain? Maybe this will shine some light on the situation... It's not like he hates it... Well I suppose you could say that he does...**

**The rain was cool and made everything look gray. Rain falling on the ground, disturbing the peace. Nothing but the rain hitting the ground could be heard. The rain was so, peaceful in a way.**

**Then again rain has the power of destruction. It can easily destroy things, but most of the time, it does not. The rain, unlike any other element, comes from the sky. It is said that rain is like God's tears. **

**I am like the rain. I am always crying, no matter what people say. I don't understand it myself really. I am like the rain because I cry. I always feel like a dark color, for that is the color of the clouds when it rains.**

**Though I am gentle and nice at times, though I may make some people grow, I cannot help but destroy others. The words that spring from my mouth, may make some happy, but may make others sad. **

**Rain can either help something grow or help something drown in despair. That is why I am like rain. I can last for hours on end, with my gloomy ways. It is also know to be true that many people hate the rain. **

**"Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day." That is the song that thousands upon thousands sing. That is why, I am like the rain. Many dislike me, and tell me to go away. So I do. After I cry, I run far, far away. So far that perhaps no one can find me. This is what I have done my whole life. And that is why, I am like the rain. **


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